Yesterday was my late father’s 70th birth anniversary. I was recalling my childhood. Our family was like any family in upper middle class India during the 80’s where mothers played a day to day role in bringing up children and teaching them all there is to know. It was only when my brother and I grew older we realised the role our father had in embedding values in us by just observing him.
Here , I will share with you 9 mantras for life which my brother and I imbibed from him.
- Treat People with Dignity : Be it the plumber , his boss , team members , distributors , colleagues , relatives , LIC agent , you name it ; every one was treated as an individual first before his or her profession or social standing. And the best part was that it was done effortlessly.
- Practice Integrity even when no one cares : I remember our father (a General Manager in a PSU ) poring over the telephone bill marking all the personal calls made from the company provided telephone, despite the overall bill being well within his entitlement. I was old enough to ask him on why he did that. He smiled and said that it just made him feel and sleep better.
- Prioritise and then take One thing at a Time : This was before the era of Multitasking. Our Father’s pithy oft repeated statement in Bengali ‘Ek Ek kore shob hobe’ (which means that everything can be dealt with one at a time) is more hardwired in our mind than Dan Goleman’s ‘Focus’ which essentially boils down to this.
- Have a sense of Humour : Our fathers sense of humour was contagious. It helped defuse many a tense situation at home or office. His colleagues , team members relatives found his ‘joie de vivre’ infectious . We saw this humour at display even when he was undergoing cancer therapy which did wonders for our morale. Yes , I truly believe that the family / team which laughs together stays together.
- Focus on Doing one’s Best rather than worrying about the results : While like any parent it would please him when we did well , his standard question after we took any exam was ‘Could you do your best?’ . This is something which I could put to good use in my professional career where I found that focusing on effort and process excellence would automatically give results rather than agonising over what the outcome would be.
- Manage your team / work first before managing your boss : Our father worked in an era where the subordinate boss relationship was quite different from today. At a time when most industries were operating in a sellers market , one did not have to work too hard in delivering results. My father was never the ‘schmoozing the boss’ type of person , which did adversely impact his career as he moved up the corporate ladder. But yes , this is what we learnt and is the ethos of my consulting business even today. While we respect prospects and clients, I don't ‘schmooze with prospective clients’ and say yes to anything which is not in the client’s best interest, just to acquire or keep the client.
- Start your Day Early : Our Father was always an early riser to accommodate his routine of morning walk , making the morning tea for family , newspaper and a hearty breakfast before leaving for work in order to reach half an hour before the office began. He used to say that that half an hour would help him plan his day and ensure he was up and running when the office started.My brother and I maintain this habit till date.
- Give more than what you receive : I don't mean this only in the financial way. I have seen our Father be the first one to be there in time of need. Be it picking up a friend’s elderly parents from the railway station or doing the waiting duty in a hospital for an ailing relative , our father was the first to volunteer and then do it with a smile. At that impressionable age I used to think that there was never any reciprocation for his efforts and that every one would take advantage of his goodness but later I realised that life does have a way of reciprocating in its own way and at its own time.
- Focus on What Matters : As I alluded to in point 6 , in the 70’s and 80’s era , if you worked in a blue chip company operating in a sellers market , career management actually boiled down to boss management which entailed having a social life linked to your superiors where the executive and his wife are in high visibility. Our Father never took that route. He chose to spend time with his family and yes it did affect his career. The meteoric rise from a Tyre Service Engineer to the youngest Category Head in Dunlop India came to a stop when the company changed hands. The culture changed from meritocracy to…. ummm.... ‘not meritocracy’. I wonder what he felt when he saw his juniors get ahead of him for factors apart from ability. But I guess he knew the choices and he made his choice. For him family mattered more.
I have not written this piece to eulogise our father . He was an ordinary human being having no special claim to fame . And don't we all learn from our parents . The reason I wrote this is ,though it has been > 6 years since he has passed away after fighting a losing battle with cancer , we still miss him . By writing this down , I am actually reinforcing what our father taught us and ensure my brother and I keep applying the same in our lives.
And the reason why I am sharing this on Linkedin is that in these VUCA times the need for some of these values is paramount. There are people who are more self aware and might find these values of some use in initiating some transformation in their life
Therefore , please feel free to share this with anyone you know who might benefit from this.
Thank you.
Photograph Credit goes too :AfricanSafaris.com
